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By Steven G. Mehta
I recently saw an interesting essay on anger, its cause, and the reasons behind it that I thought you might like by author PAVEL G. SOMOV, PH.D. Here is a brief excerpt:
By the time we get out of kindergarten we have a sneaking suspicion that there is more than one take on reality. This realization (that things are not black and white) pretty much crystallizes by the time we get out of the high-school. What starts out as a clear-cut case of pain and pleasure and right and wrong year after year becomes progressively more nuanced and subtle. As we learn the befuddling lessons of life, we become more tempered, more tentative. We begin to appreciate that Socratic epistemological modesty of only knowing that we don’t know anything. As we cultivate this philosophical doubt and dress-rehearse “who knows?” shrugs of nonchalance at the absurdity of life, we secretly yearn for certainty. That’s why we relish anger.
Authentic anger comes from total conviction in your cause, however serious or trivial it might be. It is pretty much impossible to be really angry and in doubt. Anger is beyond doubt. Anger is certainty. Anger is a moment of crystal clarity. And that is its infectious emotional allure. Anger – unless you are faking it – is a rare moment of feeling that you are absolutely and unquestionably right. Anger is righteousness.
To read more, click here.
By Steven G. Mehta
How people verbally fight and address conflict can have a direct consequence on their stress levels. New research shows that the way you argue has a direct connection to the amount of stress you create from that argument.
A professor of biobehavioral health suggests the use of thoughtful words during relationship conflicts can mitigate health problems caused by stress. The latest research from Graham et al. (2009) shows that couples who are more considerate and rational during a fight release lower amounts of stress-related proteins. This suggests that rational communication between partners can ease the impact of marital conflict on the immune system.
Individuals in a stressful situation — as in a troubled relationship — typically have elevated levels of chemicals known as cytokines. These proteins are produced by cells in the immune system and help the body mount an immune response during infection. However, abnormally high levels of these proteins are linked to illnesses such as cardiovascular disease, type-2 diabetes, arthritis and some cancers.
When people used words in a conflict-resolution discussion that suggested a thoughtful discussion — words like think, because, reason, why — the researchers found lower amounts of cytokines, the stress-related proteins. The researchers suggest it is because these kinds of words suggest that people are either making sense of the conflict, or at least thinking about it in a deeper, more meaningful manner.
This is important for mediation and other areas of conflict resolution because it helps people from increasing or escalating the tension or stress levels in a dispute. It is helpful as a mediator to try to invoke such words and rationalization so as to also limit the amount of stress hormones. By doing so, the entire argument or conflict can move towards the path of de-escalation to ultimate resolution.
Research Source:
Graham, J.E., Glaser, R., Loving, T.J., Malarkey, W.B., Stowell, J.R., & Kiecolt-Glaser, J.K. (2009). Cognitive word use during marital conflict and increases in proinflammatory cytokines. Health Psychology, 28(5), 621-630.
By Steven G. Mehta
We have all heard of Type A personalities. We may have even heard of type B personalities (the lesser known cousin because it is the type that has a healthy expression of feelings, commitment to something, and desire) but have you heard about a Type C personality? A new book discusses this new type of personality and its effects on the person.
Michael Jawer in the book he wrote with Marc Micozzi, M.D, Ph.D., called “The Spiritual Anatomy of Emotion: How Feelings Link the Brain, the Body, and the Sixth Sense,” discusses the new Type C Personality. Here is a brief excerpt of their description of that personality type:
In recent years, a cluster of personality characteristics has come to be identified as the Type C personality, someone who is at heightened risk for a slew of afflictions, from colds to asthma to cancer. In contrast with the Type A person (who angers easily and has difficulty keeping feelings under wraps) and the Type B person (who has a healthier balance of emotional expressiveness), the Type C person is a suppressor, a stoic, a denier of feelings. He or she has a calm, outwardly rational, and unemotional demeanor, but also a tendency to conform to the wishes of others, a lack of assertiveness, and an inclination toward feelings of helplessness or hopelessness.
This is the sort of personality that Canadian physician Gabor Mate has studied extensively. Over his years of family practice, Mate relates, he began to notice a pattern: individuals who were unable to express anger, who didn’t seem to recognize the primacy of their own needs, and who were constantly doing for others, appeared to be the ones most susceptible to a slew of ailments, from asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, and lupus to multiple sclerosis and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. These conditions are all autoimmune disorders. Mate claims that, when an individual engages in a long-term practice of ignoring or suppressing legitimate feelings–when he or she is just plain too nice–the immune system can become compromised and confused, learning to attack the self rather than defend it.
Emotional expression, in Mate’s view is absolutely essential because feelings serve to alert the individual to what is dangerous or unwholesome–or, conversely, to what is helpful and nourishing–so that the person can either take protective action against the thread or move toward the beneficial stimulus. If someone never gets angry, this reflects an unhealthy inability or unwillingness to defend personal integrity. Such “boundary confusion” can ultimately become a matter of life and death. If someone just cannot say no, Mate argues, his or her body will end up saying it in the form of illness or disease.
I have seen this personality type in mediation, and the expression of emotion is a very important one for resolution of the case. If that emotion is not expressed, often the case cannot get settled because the person doesn’t recognize that they need to let go or express the emotion. As a mediator, it is important for you to be able to recognize this personality type and help them understand their own needs, which will in turn help them resolve the case.
By Steven G. Mehta
As a mediator, being the in middle of the conflict, there are many occasions where your personality will get tested. During those occasions, it is important for you to have done introspection to understand your own personal buttons so that they do not become a problem in the mediation. It is enough to have two disputing parties. There is no need to add a third actor in the mix. As such, it is sometimes very important to be able to understand yourself first before you can understand others.
If you’ve taken a college psychology course or have any interest in personality, you’ve more than likely come across the term“Big Five” personality dimensions or personality traits. These have been gathered through the result of decades’ worth of psychological research into personality. While they don’t capture the idiosyncrasies of everyone’s personality, it is a theoretical framework in which to understand general components of our personality that seem to be the most important in our social and interpersonal interactions with others.
Decades of research on personality has uncovered five broad dimensions of personality. These so-called Big Five dimensions are called:
- Extraversion (your level of sociability and enthusiasm)
- Agreeableness (your level of friendliness and kindness)
- Conscientiousness (your level of organization and work ethic)
- Emotional Stability (your level of calmness and tranquility)
- Intellect (your level of creativity and curiosity)
These are not “types” of personalities, but dimensions of personality. So someone’s personality is the combination of each of their Big Five personality characteristics. For example, someone may be very sociable (high Extraversion), not very friendly (low Agreeableness), hard working (high Conscientiousness), easily stressed (low Emotional Stability) and extremely creative (high Intellect).
Because people can be high or low on each of the Big Five dimensions, when we combine the different possible combinations, we end up with 45 personality facets from which we can compute Big Five personality scores.
Want to learn more?
Take the free Personality Patterns test to see how you score on the Big 5 personality dimensions. Both my wife and I took the test and found it to be very accurate and fun.
